Wednesday Friendsday: Hilary Rodham Clinton, or Hilary RodLamb and Mint-ton? Felipe Calderon, or Felipe Carne Asada?

Wait just a second, Mrs. Secretary. Americans? Complicit in exacerbating Mexican drug wars? Sounds to MTP like somebody didn't drink her freedom juice this morning.

Tuesday Boozeday: Teddy Kennedy, or Teddy Corned Beefedy?

"May your drunkenness be, eh, profitable"

YouMeat: Larry King, or Larry Chicken a la King?

It's a topic that won't go away.

The Monday Meating: YouMeat

Some of our more serious readers might feel forsaken about now. Giant bankrupt insurance firms continue in spit in our faces. Kids--our little ones--are texting naked photos of themselves to one another. What is happening? How can we grasp the utter lunacy of our modern age? These are questions MTP knows all of you, dear readers, are asking.

We hear you, but we know you expect more than simple answers.

That's why MTP created YouMeat. Join us for clips, for links, even for apertifs. All are here. All for you. You might detect in our content a dense, complex mouthfeel. That's our secret ingredient: honesty.

Tuesday Teamwork: A Birthday Retrospective

March 10 is MTP's mother's birthday. To mark the occasion, we're posting the two best historical suggestions currently on the books. These two bone bags were in the primes of their sinisterly careers when mom was a bright-eyed girl from Queens. Imagine.

Strom Thurmond, or Stromboli Thurmond?

This old badger turned 100 years old while serving as an honorable Senator of the Palmetto State. Shame he couldn't live see last October. His campaign for president on the Segregationist ticket was just winding down when mom was not but a glint.






Spiro Agnew, or Spiro AgNew Potatoes?


Ah, the 39th vice president. What would things be like today if the patriarch of the Agnew clan hadn't changed the surname from Anagnostopoulos upon migrating stateside? The world will never know. Also, who knew Spiro was a relatively moderate Maryland governor before taking all those bribes and castigating journalists over Vietnam.


Mama, happy birthday. There's a depression on so MTP is not sending flowers.

(CREDITS to MPM and MAU)

Friday Fakakta: Nancy Pelosi, or Nancy Pierogi?

Don't play dumb, Nance. "Earmarks? What earmarks?" Don't pretend your hands are tied or feign that you're really "changing the culture of Washington. " Milk the power and pass the damn omnibus. (Thanks MAU)

Thursday Thoroughly Exausted: Keith Olberman, or Keith Olber-easy, man

I think it's just that MTP doesn't care about the Republican National Committee right now. Will we ever? Perhaps. But these are lean times, Keith. We got the message and that's why we voted for the other guy. Even MTP would be embarrassed to cover Michael Steele for 25 minutes. You know what MTP said when we grew weary? We said, "Oh, Jumanji's on!" Jumanji, Keith. MTP has only so many half hours to peruse the tube these days. Jumanji.

MTP's point, Keith, is that clearly you would be derelict not to diligently pursue justice. But please focus your hunts on bigger bucks than Michael Steeles, por favor.

P.S.
You aren't Edward R. Murrow

P.P.S.
If you're going to do it, at least do it right--

Michael Steele, or Michael Steelhead Trout Fillet?

Wednesday White Men

MTP has featured a disproportionate number of black men of late. Time to get back to our (white) bread and butter.

Rush Limbaugh, or Rush Limburger and Onion Sandwich?

This the head of the Republican Party? I hope tastier hor'dourves are on the way. MTP still prefers Rush radio to Air America.














Robert Gates, or Robert Gates BBQ? (Thanks MPM)



The press can take photos of war dead and we're pulling out of Iraq? MTP isn't holding its breath. Something big is going to happen.










Larry Summers, or Larry Summer Sausage?



Ahem... While MTP finds your views on the intelligence of women hilarious, you give direct council to the prez on economic issues. Make MIT proud and fix this shit already.