Sunday Showdown: Kim Jong-il, or Kim Dak-gui?

Dak-gui is grilled marinated chicken. Koreans chop chickens with little regard to bone. Westerners should not be surprised to taste hunks of beak as well. Surely no one's surprised at bellicosity from a nation lacking basic culinary scruples?

Meanwhile, at the United Nations...

Ban Ki-moon, or Ban Ki-moonpie?

Thursday Thumbs Down

This is MTP's first foray into the sports world. Why? It took an issue this close to the heartbone to stir us to action. And, if Keith Olberman can straddle the line between sports and hard news with such grace and aplomb, by gum so can MTP!

Jay Cutler, or Jay Veal Cutlet?
Jay, MTP was on your side this whole time. Now we're not sure. Pretty weak, dude.

Pat Bowlen, or Rats, Bowl-in?
And Pat. Kyle Orton? Kyle. Orton. This is not great leadership, buddy. We're already in a dry spell. Pick a bust and they're going to be on you like rats in that movie with Vincent Spano.

Wednesday Friendsday: Hilary Rodham Clinton, or Hilary RodLamb and Mint-ton? Felipe Calderon, or Felipe Carne Asada?

Wait just a second, Mrs. Secretary. Americans? Complicit in exacerbating Mexican drug wars? Sounds to MTP like somebody didn't drink her freedom juice this morning.

Tuesday Boozeday: Teddy Kennedy, or Teddy Corned Beefedy?

"May your drunkenness be, eh, profitable"

YouMeat: Larry King, or Larry Chicken a la King?

It's a topic that won't go away.